Tour Day XIIth. Been on this election tour for XII days. Persnickety voters! It's not like the army days. Rough and relaxed, that's what they called me. Now, it's promising ridiculous things like change and progress. Who ever heard of a politician bringing about such things? Maybe Cleopatra. But it wasn't her politicing, I can promise you that. Back in the old days, I would trot up over any old bridge and a legion would follow. That would get things done. Perhaps it’s the weather. Heard Pompey is really hooting it up Egypt. He always had a way with women. Ah well, I guess my day will come soon.
Tour Day XIIIth. By Hercules, those Italians. If it isn’t some sentimental music about piazza’s and kissing, it’s pizza, wine, and hooligans. They can’t let a man walk through his own city in peace without making fools of themselves. Some old codger, obviously had one bottle too many, tottered up to me and said something ridiculous. It might have been Greek or even classical Latin. Something about the Hides of Mark.
Tour Day XIVth. Rained all day. Felt like I was back in Gaul. In fact, I felt like a school boy coming back from a playing hooky at the Coliseum. I jumped and clicked my heels and said, “weni, widi, wincki.” A page said history will never forget those words. The boy had a few too many. But I still don’t have a slogan. Perhaps, I will say, “Let me have fat men around me.”
Tour Day XVth. No one likes my slogan. There was blood in some of their eyes. In fact, I think they thought I was talking about Brutus. I said he wasn’t fat, only big boned. Cassius also took offense. He said I was supporting obscenity. I think he meant obesity. Cassius was never too bright. Won’t the joke be on him some day!
Tour Day XVIth. Quite a crowd at the senate building today. Many of the senators looked a little squeamish. Perhaps they’re afraid of blood. The priests were investigating some chicken guts. One particular priest, Flapius—he always is ready with a joke or two—was playing the foot making it open and close by pulling the tendons. HA! Got to love a good sport. Guts weren't too promising, soothsayer said.
Tour Day XVIIth. The people are such simpletons. They asked if I wanted to be king! What next? Emperor! Of course, they might be right. Well, I shan’t let it make me lose sleep.
Tour Day XVIIIth. Lost sleep. No mood to write. Blah!
Tour Day XIVth. Marc Anthony joined the mob in demanding my kingship. Turned him down. Cicero was up in arms with some sort of anti-monarchical speech. The reaction was the same. No one listened, except for Cicero. Brutus had a smirk today. First time I’ve seen him smile since I fell in the river. Cassius was telling a joke which ended with “Is this a dagger I see before me?” The man is a riot when he wants to be. But even then, not a smile crested his lips. Such a stoneface!
Tour Day XVIth. Tomorrow’s the ides of March. Weatherpriest says it’s gonna be a killer day. Perfect for a picnic. Maybe I’ll go to the senate. Surprise the lot of them. Then maybe I’ll go fishing with Flapius.
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