Rothfeather Letter #2

Dear Phyllis,

Your response to my first letter raised quite a stir on my homefront. My father was absolutely livid. And he railed for days about my inability to win your love--as if I had not tried! What little he knows. I wrote some three hundred words professing my belief that it would be in the interest of both parties and both families if we were to tie the matrimonial knot. While you disagreed, you definitely could not have made it less subtle than by saying, as your too concise telegram read, "Go fish in another pond, bucko."

I hope you do not think I am being rude, but my father is quite persistent we marry. In fact, his paternal insistence took its typical path with threats of disinheritance. (I am beginning to believe that disinheriting me is the only tool in his arsenal.) "Son," he said to me the other night, "if you cannot win the hand of some foolish girl, how are you going to win over million dollar clients in the real world of business? Marriage, Charlie, is about finance, social status, and a hot dinner ready when we return home from the club." (He knows I don't like the club, so he said it only to annoy me.)

You know, maybe we would make a good couple. You don't agree with my father; I don't agree with my father. We already have common ground. Perhaps we can overlook the other petty differences, such as your being Baptist and my being Methodist. Dad said that your family's fascination with bible-thumping, shrill-shrieking evangelicals is a remnant of your family's Southern days. But, with disinheritance hanging overhead, I was convinced that it was a small matter.

The only really important matter is that the dowry is sufficient for my family's honor. Dad said he will refuse anything under $20,000 and assurance of that spacious territory when your own father kicks the bucket. As I believe that these terms will not convince you in the slightest and your father does not seem as anxious as mine to get rid of you, I have his permission to dicker over the dowry. I can cut you a fifty percent reduction deal if the wedding would include the governor, an archbishop, and three foreign aristocrats. The aristocrats I can easily find as there are dukes and duchesses coming over from England all of the time. They're always looking for some exceptional treatment as in their mother country they are a dime a dozen.

Of course, we could always re-consider eloping. I have a good friend who just did that and got quite a deal on wedding costs from the Justice of the Peace. Regardless of how we go about it, Mother has given me strict orders not to break your heart. Is that possible? I don't know as I am unfamiliar with these sorts of scenarios. I would much rather go golfing.

Dictated to my secretary, Alice, from a tent on the green,
Charlie T. Rothfeather